you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
