I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
