Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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