Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
