If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
