maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Panties = found
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