some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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