Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
