im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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