I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
