Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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