I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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