You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
