I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
