Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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