for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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