My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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