I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
