I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
