my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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