It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
