I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
