eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
