He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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