that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
