guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
