mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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