Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
