New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
