the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
