And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
two words: eviction party
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
