there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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