I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
