Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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