I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
