just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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