some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
