Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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