you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
