I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
