Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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