I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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