Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
