so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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