My hand turned me down
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
