Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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