and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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