Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
