umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
