me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
