you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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