If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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