What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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