It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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