May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dick has a subreddit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
